I should do this more often

My head is full of random stuff.

Random stuff needs a voice too

Random quotes from my day

"something about a unicorn.  Or a pony.  Or like a pony with a flute or something.  Whatever"

Because I keep so many things inside

Marriage.   

So many people just slip into it like a pair of pajamas...comfortable, room to breathe, relaxing, makes you feel like you're home.   

But what happens when "home" has never been a comfortable place for you?

What if "home" has always been something ugly?  

What if every haven you've ever sought has come with "sexual abuse"  "physical abuse"  "failure"  "rejection"  "disappointment"  "abandonment" "Fear"

For both of you?

What if the only person who's ever loved you....can't fix you?

That's where we find ourselves today.  On a journey to heal and repair.  Armed with the understanding that only YOU can fix you.  We'll take this journey hand in hand.  We'll pull each other up when we start to sink.   

But ultimately....

Who you are when you're alone is who you truly are.

I choose to be whole.

I'm so tired I can't keep track of what I dreamed and what is real.  The more tired I am, the more vivid and lucid my dreams are.  I have barely slept for about three weeks.  I've dreamed some crazy shit.    Like one of my good friends from high school died suddenly.   Then when I saw his status update on facebook I.was like "wtf....this guy is dead....i just went to his funeral"  and it took me a good ten minutes to sort out that it had all been a dream.  My dreams aren't wild and crazy when I'm exhausted like they are when I'm rested.   When I'm exhausted, I don't Dream that people are cats or that I'm married to any historical figures.  I dream ordinary day to day stuff.   Trips me the eff out.  Then i go to the store and I'm like "nope already bought shampoo"  then I get home and nope!  Bought it in my dream.   I need mental help.

I want the sparkle back

My son claims that his auntie refers to him by the name of "matthew" and his cousin as "2dollar". My sis is straight up hood, y'all.

It's not that I think I'm better than other people...... I'm just....superior...