Because I keep so many things inside

Marriage.   

So many people just slip into it like a pair of pajamas...comfortable, room to breathe, relaxing, makes you feel like you're home.   

But what happens when "home" has never been a comfortable place for you?

What if "home" has always been something ugly?  

What if every haven you've ever sought has come with "sexual abuse"  "physical abuse"  "failure"  "rejection"  "disappointment"  "abandonment" "Fear"

For both of you?

What if the only person who's ever loved you....can't fix you?

That's where we find ourselves today.  On a journey to heal and repair.  Armed with the understanding that only YOU can fix you.  We'll take this journey hand in hand.  We'll pull each other up when we start to sink.   

But ultimately....

Who you are when you're alone is who you truly are.

I choose to be whole.

I'm so tired I can't keep track of what I dreamed and what is real.  The more tired I am, the more vivid and lucid my dreams are.  I have barely slept for about three weeks.  I've dreamed some crazy shit.    Like one of my good friends from high school died suddenly.   Then when I saw his status update on facebook I.was like "wtf....this guy is dead....i just went to his funeral"  and it took me a good ten minutes to sort out that it had all been a dream.  My dreams aren't wild and crazy when I'm exhausted like they are when I'm rested.   When I'm exhausted, I don't Dream that people are cats or that I'm married to any historical figures.  I dream ordinary day to day stuff.   Trips me the eff out.  Then i go to the store and I'm like "nope already bought shampoo"  then I get home and nope!  Bought it in my dream.   I need mental help.

I want the sparkle back

My son claims that his auntie refers to him by the name of "matthew" and his cousin as "2dollar". My sis is straight up hood, y'all.

It's not that I think I'm better than other people...... I'm just....superior...

Come back, show your face
Don't you see
You're too good for this place
Can we leave.
It's not your fault, what they say
Don't believe..

Or would you rather suffer in silence.
And defeat
Or would you rather suffer in silence
Needlessly

Ah come on, show the way
I'll believe
Welcome back, you've been away
How's it been.

Or would you rather suffer in silence.
And defeat
Or would you rather suffer in silence
Needlessly..

Wake up.. It's your love calling..

- The Frames

So what happens when the heart just stops
Stops caring for anyone
The hollow in your chest dries up
And you stop believing

So what happens when the heart gives up
But the body goes on living
The blood crawls to a slow and stops
And flows away

Well we got no-one to meet
No love we would beseech
We only have ourselves to blame for everything
There was no answer in the dust
And I'm missing you so much
And now you're sleeping
And I'm leaving

Empty-handed waiting
Time it will subside and we'll agree
It was a given
Well there was no standard we could set
And the world it does regret
To have to leave you in this state of bereavement

You see I'm feeling everything
Nothing gets by

There is a hollow in my chest
The time I won't forget
There is no comfort in the eyes
They put us always to the test
I can't prepare myself for that
But I will  work it out in time
There is a love that flows between us
Ever-changing everyday
I worked myself up to a crawl
But I'm not fearing it at all
We have no reason left to stay
And that's why we're leaving
And there was no answer in the dust
And the one I feared to trust
There is a lie that drags us
Beating and pulling into disappointment

I'm disappointed
I'm disappointed
I'm disappointed

It's so late, till you're gone

-The Frames

Oh dilemmas….how I loathe thee!!!

Can I have an order of Free & Easy with a side of Smooth Sailing?

don't get me started!

Don’t EVEN get me started…

Celebrities are stupid, but I sure do like to say “winning!”

So I know what you're thinking, right?

Make up your mind!  Just pick a blog and get with it!

Sometimes things just have to "feel" right.   The title...the name...the template...it all has to be just right.   I think i've found it now.  

Expect great things....you have been warned